After nine years of marriage, I found myself asking, "What else have you been doing that I probably don't want to know about?" The answer to that question was devastating. Thus began the most grueling, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually challenging six-plus years of my life going through divorce.

Sure, we were having some troubles in our marriage. We had a brand new baby, a two-year-old and a four-year-old. What marriage isn't experiencing "growing pains"? We had the dream 5,000 square foot home, three cars, an airplane, lots of travel, private school, a nanny for the children and we owned our own successful business. All of this was shattered with the answer to the question I did not want to ask.

Thank God I had been a C.P.A. and the Chief Financial Officer of our company before we had kids. I was familiar with the books and records of our business and I had been paying all of our personal and household bills.

Divorce is always financially challenging and very costly. Many wives are not involved in the family finances. Most women are devastated by requirements for legal and financial paperwork.

There are several things women should be doing even if they are happily married and think divorce will never happen. Consider the following questions:

1. Are you involved in the family finances? Pay the bills and make the bank deposits. Be part of the decision-making process when buying a home or car or other asset. Ask questions. Don't stick your head in the sand.

2. Are your finances computerized? Get computer literate. Set up your personal finances on Quicken, particularly your checking, savings and credit card accounts. You can download most bank account, credit card and investment transactions directly into your Quicken data.

3. Are your checks returned with your bank statements? If you go to court, you will need your cancelled checks.

4. Do you have an organized filing system for all your important papers including bills, deposits and investments?

5. Do you have at least one credit card with available credit in your name only?

6. Are you aware of what your spouse is charging on joint credit cards? In most states, you can be held liable for all joint credit card debts and the debt in your spouse's name right up to the date of divorce if your spouse files bankruptcy. (Bankruptcy is a common occurrence and strategy in divorce.)

7. Are you knowledgeable about your financial situation? Recently, I have worked with several women who know nothing about their spouse's income, expenses, investments, etc. Ask questions. Observe the mail. When you can, make copies of statements. In community property states, "both parties" own one-half of each asset and each debt. Hiding money and assets is a common practice in divorce.

8. Do you have copies of all important documents? All documents in the safety deposit box should be copied: tax returns, deeds of trust, stock certificates, birth certificates and social security cards. Make copies of bank, credit-card and investment statements every few months.

9. Do you know where you can get cash? A retainer for an attorney could be a minimum of $5,000. Know where you can easily access or borrow cash. If there is any conflict, the retainer will be used up in phone calls, letters and documents in the first few months.

Most of these to do's are things that women should be doing even in healthy marriages. Make these things a habit. If divorce happens, you are equipped with the information needed to make the process manageable. If it never happens, you are a well-educated, financially knowledgeable woman.